Summarize Your Fics Poorly But Accurately

I saw a funny picture in which someone summed up the story of "The Lord of the Rings" as "Fallen angel with a jewelry obsession hunts 4 ft. tall man across a continent." That literally made me laugh out loud.

I thought it would be funny if people applied this idea to their own fics. So take some of your fics and, in one sentence, summarize them poorly but accurately.

Hours into Days, Days into Years (Forever Knight): Vampire cop takes horse pills, and it turns out that wasn’t a great idea.

Salt (Forever Knight): Vampire who wouldn’t shut up about moving on doesn't move on.

Retribution (one of five ways "Last Knight" didn't end) (Forever Knight): The series finale, only worse.

The Trilling Wire (Forever Knight): Man finally takes women's advice.

Now is the Winter (Dresden Files, TV-verse): A story about a wizard named Harry, but it’s not THAT wizard named Harry.

Zero-Sum (Oz): Man annoyed his actions have consequences.

Here's the picture that inspired this: